dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
