I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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