I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
