You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
