pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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