So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
