Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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