You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
