Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
