my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
