why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
