doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
