Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
