Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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