i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
