I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
