New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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