Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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