12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
