I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
