This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
