I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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