why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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