It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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