I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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