A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
