So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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