do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
