i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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