i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
