Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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