If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
