You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
