The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she told me i tasted like america
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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