Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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