that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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