That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
