if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
