Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
