You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
