3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You work out of a Hotel?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
