Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
