we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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