I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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