i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
