Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
