uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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