no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
