he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
