i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
