My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
