Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
