i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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