The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
