guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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